Barbara Mulski

Reg.Clinical Counsellor
604 537 5575


I have a successful “balls to the wall” counselling approach with male clients. I call things as I see them, speak plainly and directly, drop F-bombs, meet a man where he is at, and get right into the man’s world as he knows it. This approach more often than not causes men to relax and say things like, “Man, I sure did not want come today, but now I know how this is going to be and I see I definitely need help. You get me. I was so worried I would have to deal with some touchy-feely counselling shit.”

In the Men’s Room, using my velvet-glove approach—a therapist who appears gentle, but is as tough as iron underneath—in conversations, I insist, push, cajole, dispute, and prod for the “fuck yous” deep in the caverns of men’s hearts.

Most men I’ve counselled has at some time in his life had a “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” attitude toward a situation or relationship, an attitude that prevented him from growing emotionally—even if since that time he has survived otherwise.

Using my “balls to the wall” method of counselling, the men find the courage and desire to become better persons. My primary job is to guide men back to this locked-away time and then return them to their authentic selves. When men leave my counselling sessions in The Men’s Room, they’re re-built, renewed—they don’t sound, act, or even look like the men who initially stepped through my door.

Professionally, I am accessible; I answer my own phone so I can engage a male client who might be hesitant about counselling in an open conversation, answering questions he may have prior to coming into the Men’s Room.

In this blog I will bring forth what many men in my counselling session room sought help for, how they talked about it, and how they rediscovered their ’emotional balls’ while on my watch.

All names are fictitious, some characters are composite in nature to form an illustrative character, and any recognizable features have been changed. Any resemblance of such person(s) written about in this blog to any actual person is entirely coincidental.

I have coined the word, MENOLOGIST here and on Twitter, meaning a clinician who studies and is an effective counsellor to Men.

Part of my work as a therapist consists of being a modern-day anthropologist. In The Men’s Room, instead of using the usual comparative method of research—how men compare to women—and instead of what I might think they may or may not need, I took the approach of observing how men think, how and when they express their emotions, and what help they wanted.

Do I know what it is like to think and feel like a man does? Hell, no,obviously not. Nor will I ever. Of course I have had close relationships with men—my father, a brother, male friends, boyfriends, and lovers. And in my work as a female therapist I have listened to men at rawer and more open emotional levels than most will do or care to do.

I like men in general—I always have. This does not mean that I like all men, but overall I do like the men I have met and professionally counselled. Why? Because I find that men will accept help to change when they feel safe, accepted, and most importantly, they need to know or feel right from the get-go that they are not going to be judged.

As far back as I can remember I was friendly or friends with boys, and later in life, with men. I often found myself acting as a confidante to my male friends. I am approachable, friendly, and I have a wry, sarcastic sense of humor. In my early twenties, male friends in many a conversation showed me how to banter and enjoy the verbal jousting without taking what might come back at me personally.

Without apology I swear like a man does, and I know that at the core of almost all men’s thinking is sex. I am not repelled by, nor do I wince at, what some would call hardcore sexual descriptions. In session, I talk about sex and sexual concerns openly and in terms of facts. I’ve always thought it utter nonsense that we have shame around the sexual aspects of our bodies, our expressions of sex, and our lack of ability to talk about sex openly, especially if we are seeking help about sex.

It helps that I have always had a strong interest in cars; this relatable, typically male interest comes in very useful, especially in the initial sessions when the client and I are easing into an area of comfort with each other.

I have my Master’s degree in counselling and, according to the date on my driver’s license as well as looking at the grey-white hair of my younger brother, I’ve been around for several decades, accumulating wisdom.

I am gifted with a high level of intuition. One male client calls it “Barbara’s bullshit barometer.” Like a Beagle chasing and sniffing after a fox in the hunt, when I get a whiff of fear or resistance from a male client’s ego, I name it and call it out.

Inasmuch as I see many cultures and faiths in my session room, spiritually, I am a female warrior, an employee for God who comes with a big, soft, warm heart of an angel. But I am not religious, and I never judge others’ beliefs.

A mentor of mine, professional speaker and prolific author, Bill O’Hanlon, has said that “One of Barbara’s strengths is her authentic outrageousness, her willingness to be herself. As a therapist, she’s got something different.”

My goal in this blogging is to cut through a lot of the misinformation and the misleading assumptions of both men and women about men and what it is like to be a man in the twenty-first century.

I hope to encourage and inform many men and perhaps even comfort others who, reluctant to confide in their friends or even their wives who love them, have imagined they were the only man thinking or feeling the way they do.

Barbara Mulski, Registered Clinical Counsellor

604 537 5575